It's a strange thing to be raising your own children without the benefit ( or curse) of your own parents. I don't have to argue about parenting philosophy or tamp down the presence of annoying grandparent toys and giant stuffed animals. I never have to say " but things are different now and we know better. I never have to explain why it was OK for me to ride in a Ford f-250 standing behind my dads shoulder over the sand dunes but my kid has to be strapped into a space age booster seat in the center of the car. No one tried to talk me into their way of parenting ( OK, maybe even my mother would not have tried that one) It's weird. There is no one to call when someone is coughing non stop at 3:00am, there is no one to say Aw, that was mine when I was a baby and now the boys are playing with it. No one to notice that Doodle's "Bob the Builder" shirt was mine at age two. No one to see how much he looks like me as a baby. No one to laugh at how curious it is to see Crusty playing with my old school Legos, you know when Legos came only in white, red or blue and the fanciest add on you could get was a window casing that was actually see through. Nobody appreciates that it is my old copy of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" that we are reading. Does it matter? Am I stuck in Mr. Peabody's WABAC machine?
I don't think we need to live in the past, I don't even think we need to talk about it very much. It's just strange to be the only living person who can remember these things from my childhood. I should be older. I should have had more time to figure it all out. Being parent less is weird, weirder still if you have your own kids. At least for me. On my birthday in February, I will be older than my father ever was. Weird.
There is no real point to all this. Just some things that have been wandering around my mind. I wonder how different I would be as a parent if my own parents were still alive. Would our relationships have changed when I became a parent? Would I have been more able to forgive them their transgressions? Would compassion just come easier all around? I don't know.
3 comments:
I bipassed my Mom this year...I think about that alot.
It matters that you remember and that you're the only one. But you have a gift for honoring your past while absolutely living in the moment in your own fantastic, creative, rock star mom way. Like the year in review strings and the million other things that come so naturally to you.
If your parents were here, they surely would have voiced their opinions, given their input and shared your memories and I so wish you had the benefit (and the annoyance!) of that. But I can't imagine they're doing anything now but smiling nodding their heads in approval.
I agree 100% with Pumpkin Petunia. Well said
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