Two boys and Wake.

Miss Dori, in her heydey. A picture postcard from Virginia City, Montana.



Yesterday we took the boys to the Wake for our good friend Dori. Dori was not overly fond of children ( though I think Doodle won her heart!) But she was very, very, fond of chocolate. She was also very artistic, an actress in her youth, flamboyant and very theatrical. To that end it was requested that everyone dress in a theatrical, flamboyant fashion. Very easy for my tux loving boys. Crusty was very happy to pull out his green velvet tuxedo ( yes he has a couple to chose from...) complete with green ruffled shirt, cuff links and silver bow tie. What a kid! Doodle took an ever so slightly more sedate route in red velvet overalls, black tux shirt (with tux studs!) and the gold fabric bow tie that my Mom made for Crusty when Patrick and I married. It matched Patrick's vest. They were quite a sight, and caused a stir when we arrived. All in all they were both very good. There were other children present( though none so resplendently dressed!) And I think a good time was had by all. Isn't that what a Wake is really about?

Our hosts had an enormous display of chocolates for sampling and sent everyone home with a goodie bag full. I hope the boys will remember that even in grief there can be good memories. They will certainly remember Miss Dori fondly with their chocolate. I am happy that even so young they are seeing positive models of grief and loss. People who can grieve and live at the same time. No one ever wants to think that they might have to teach their children how to grieve. But we must. Without guidance and some positive role models how will they learn to manage their own grief? In their short lives my boys have lost two grandparents, a young aunt, two treasured dogbrothers(as Crusty calls them.) and three close friends. That is a lot of death and grieving for two little boys.



In my heart I wish that they would never know the loss of a parent or brother or close friend. But they will and it is my job to give them some tools to handle it. If that means flamboyant clothing and chocolate then I am doing my job. Everyone grieves differently, I hope they will learn to use their grief to enrich their lives. It can be done. We do it everyday around here.