Learn to sing your song.

I'm in there somewhere...

I was one of those kids who came out singing. Preferring to sing rather than talk whenever possible. I sang my way through elementary school, singing in the school choirs and even recording a scarily trite but musically excellent vinyl album in 5th grade. I wonder if there is a copy of that around anywhere?

I sang in the school choirs through junior high, competing and winning in state wide competitions. Traveling with my singing friends and having a grand time. I believed that I would sing forever. I was never the star singer, but a reliable back up.

In high school, I again sang in the choir and in school and community theatre musicals. Sometime around my sophomore year I decided I wanted to go to college and study music. I wanted to grow up to be a real singer. My family was not enthused. My working class parents viewed any non blue collar job with suspicion. Raising a performer was just not in their vocabulary. They assumed I would follow my Dad into the US Navy. My Mom went so far as to point out the the Navy Singers performed all over the world, maybe I could join them. My parents spun their concerns in the way that parents do. "How will you support yourself?" "How will you pay for lessons?" "Where will you live"? "Who will marry a singer?" Not exactly forbidding me to sing, but in no way being supportive. To quote my Mom, " What if you aren't any good?" What if I wasn't any good? It was crushing. I have heard that phrase in my own head thousands of times. It's a pretty damning voice and it's loud. I was a good and mostly obedient child, I wanted my parents approval. I continued to sing but my heart wasn't really in it. I sang in the back of the chorus, in the middle of the group. Somewhere I could easily be missed.

I continued to sing in chorus' and groups, with slightly raunchy bands where no one really cared if I was any good or not. Through college I sang in the back while pursuing other things, political science, antiquities, Russian history, visual arts. Sometime around what would be my sophomore year( If I hadn't taken off to live in Greece instead of returning to school) I stage managed my first real show and put myself permanently behind the scenes. I found a home there and have been happily under a headset backstage for more than two decades.

Sometime in my late 20's I stopped singing in any sort of organized fashion. It wasn't until several years after Doodle was born that I joined a local group and started signing regularly and IN PUBLIC. But what if I wasn't any good? See, that voice? It's still there. I try so hard not to say those things to the boys. I am very aware that they have their own nasty little internal voices and I don't need to add to them. Doodle especially is really musical and I will not ever discourage him from pursuing that. I expect that Crusty's talent lies somewhere in the visual arts. No education is wasted, if that's what he wants to pursue, then that is what we will support. As he starts high school ( high school!) I will do my damnedest to crowd out that nasty doubting voice.

Several months ago one of my dearest friends asked me to sing back up on his solo CD project and in the live CD release show. The culmination of hundreds of thousands of hours. A lifetime of planning, learning and practicing. The fulfilling of his pretty significant personal dream. Of course I said yes, how do you turn that down? But, was I any good? Damn voice. Go away!

I practiced and fretted and practiced and swore. A lot. We went into the recording studio and it was awesome. Best time I have had in years! Seumas seemed pleased with the tracks and boy howdy was it fun to sing! Tight, lush harmonies backing some fantastic instrumentalists and the inspired voice of Seumas Gagne. And I got to be a tiny part of it.

Truthfully, I am petrified about the live concert. No back of the group singing here. Nowhere to hide. But I am also electrified at the prospect of helping my friend make his vision a reality.

So in a few weeks, just one day shy of my 46th birthday I will step out onto the stage with some of the best acoustic musicians in town and I will sing. And nasty little voice be damned. I will be good.

You can come see us on February 4th, in Seattle. You can also purchase a copy of this fantastic CD. Tickets and CD packages at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/212157 . Come out and join us, it's going to be a spectacular time!