Inmates and Aunties.

I have a pretty extensive group of friends now.  It hasn't always been that way.  I was not a popular kid and I had no patience for a lot of the ways that young adult women make friends.  In the past couple of decades I have made more friends and now count myself to be very lucky to have a large and diverse group of men and women friends, some close and some on the fringes. The internet has been a great boon for me to make and to keep up with friends.  I have never liked talking on the phone ( auditory processing without any visual component has always been hard for me, so email and text has made an enormous difference in how often I can talk to people.

Of all of my friends "The Aunties" have been around the longest. Although they didn't become Aunties until I had kids.  For a long time they have been the backbone of my friend circle.  Even during periods when they were unavailable, or far away I have known that they were there.

 A long, long time ago before every block had  a  " Mommy Blogger", a "Food Blogger", and a " I can do everything better than you Blogger".  A time before ... gasp ... Facebook or ... Pinterest! There was email and there were giant, mostly anonymous bulletin boards.  Some run by media personalities trying to get you to buy their brand.  Back before we got married I joined the Martha Stewart Bulletin Boards, specifically the wedding board.  I don't really know why.  I wasn't looking for idea really, or how to's ( though Martha had some pretty spectacular how to videos on her site).  Being as I was the only person I knew who was planning a wedding I think I was just looking for someone else to be excited with.  Without annoying my close to home friends.  Eventually the Wedding Board members moved on the the Baby Boards where we obsessed about the "2 week  wait",  organic food, circumcision and breast feeding.

These were huge open boards with hundreds of commenters. After a while there emerged a group of women who were more or less online at the same time of day. We shared stories and tricks and heartbreak and joy.  And we argued.  A lot.  About big issues and dumb things that just struck someone the wrong way.  Some were closer than others, but they all felt like friends. We shared a lot of things that we would never have told each other face to face.  Secrets, lies, hard truths and a fair number of dirty jokes. Someone once declared that at least half of us were incarcerated men having a good laugh.  So we started  calling each other inmates.  Some of our families declared our online friends to be imaginary at best, delusional at worst.  One Christmas someone else organized a Secret Santa swap.  Lots of us emailed our addresses to another inmate and boxes of goodies and treats went flying around the globe.  We were from all over, mostly in North America but also, Europe, New Zealand, and South Africa.  By now many of us had been hanging out online together for a few years and we started meeting up over cupcakes, or drinks.   I met local friends too, we shared baby sitting and baby clothes, brought meals to new Moms and families in crisis.

 Over the years ( and several online migrations) the original group has splintered a few times and shrunk here and there.  But there is still a core group of  40 or so women.  We have a long history together.  There have been divorces and new marriages, new babies and lost babies.  Happy times and terrible times.    We have met in groups and duos for vacations, weddings and Christenings.  Our families and kids know each other. We have launched businesses, buried parents and sent financial support to people when they have needed it.  Cheering each other on through some pretty intense trials.  We are in every way "real " friends.

My own world view has expanded tremendously because of these friends.  I have met and become close to people that I would never have encountered in my everyday life.  And If I have a question about anything.  Someone knows the answer, or has a connection to someone who does.   These inmates are a vital network of opinions and support that are every bit as valuable to me as the people I see every day.  It's not an either or thing.  They are not either In Real Life Friends or Internet Friends.  They are both. Much like many of my Real Life friendships exist mostly online due to distance or other factors.   I can't imagine my life without all of them.

This is all a lot of exposition to get to here.  Last Spring 4 of these inmates, along with a couple of husbands and a couple of kids, surprised me and showed up here in Seattle.  I have been particularly close to these 4 women and they probably know more about me than anyone else on the planet.  Even though I had only met two of them in real life.  They had all met before in various configurations.  With the stealthy help of my husband , they surprised me.  That is kind of an understatement. They floored me. I might have actually been rendered speechless. 

I thought Patrick was out of his mind when he suggested that we go downtown to a lack luster but sentimental restaurant, for dinner, on a Friday.  Friday at 6:00pm Downtown.  Not the best plan.  And way out of character, we just don't do that. I was sick, waiting for surgery, Doodle was in the middle of a scary health issue, it was weird in every possible way. So we went. We walked in and Patrick started looking around and then he argued with the host about where we would sit.  Have you met my husband? Arguing with a restaurant host is about the last thing you would expect him to do.  Then a tall man came around beside me and introduced himself as the husband of one of he inmates ( he used his real name) I immediately jumped to " Oh wow, they flew up from the Bay Area!  How cool!" they live a short plane ride away and I assumed they were here on business and got Patrick to help them surprise me. Then I lost my cool and cried all over the very nice man and we turned to go to the table where they were sitting. When I came around the corner I saw the nearly grown daughter of another inmate, and another and another.  Holy Crap.  I really lost my shit.  Big ugly tears, sobbing I hugged them all, and again and then still again. I thought two things.  Shit.  I am going to die and they are here to say goodbye, and my house is a disaster.  I have no idea what Patrick and the boys thought of this scene.  In person, it was like a sharknado of tears and laughter and gossip and everything.  Just everything.  From St. Paul, and San Francisco, Cape Cod and Alberta.  Here they were in Seattle.  For four days we touristed, and shopped and laughed. It was the best of all possible medicines. 

One the second or third day there was a large previously planned party at our house.  Our yearly ode to Spring egg hunt and party.  Looking at them sitting on the couch with my other real life friends, you couldn't tell.  No one who didn't know would be able to pick out who I had met in real life and who had met on the internet.  The Inmates and the Aunties.