In the unlikely event of my death.

 Unc, Dad, Granny, Mom, and Me.  Oahu.  1974

 Getting ready for this major surgical event has taught me a lot about what I am and am not prepared to do.  Walking through all the necessary paperwork, permissions and declarations...advanced directives, consent forms.  Durable powers of attorney.  Seeing the words "permanently incapacitated", "in case of death of the principle" attached to your name is rough.  I thought I had a pretty good handle on death and dying, having some significant experience with other peoples deaths.

I have been writing things down that I would ordinarily ignore.  In part because forgetfulness and language issues are one of the medication side effects.  In part because I keep thinking," I had better write that recipe down....just in case"  Or, "I should make sure that address book is up to date...just in case".  I have four little books, one for each season.  I add recipes and traditions and little stories to them all the time.  Just in case.  I mean, what if they can't figure out the garlic dip? Or how to make Ostara eggs?  It matters to me that they know these things.  My Granny used to say that we could have things "after".  Or tell stories so that we would know, "after".  I never really understood.  Now I am consumed with making sure there are records, instructions, recipes.  Things they can have "after"  Because eventually there will be an after.

In the process I have had some very wise counsel and have met some truly kind people.  Like the Notary that helped me with the durable power of attorney paperwork this morning.  You know, the paper that tells someone else how to be you...just in case.  He very kindly pointed things out and didn't sigh or rush when I hesitated.

I have been using the website Get Your Shit Together . To make lists of things that we have, that I need to find.  Things that I didn't even know existed. I wholeheartedly recommend her site.  It is irreverent in parts, practical, not too flowery, not too scary.  You may or may not need the assistance of an attorney.  If you do, find one you like and trust.  Someone who gets you.  Don't settle for convenient.

I understand that this is uncomfortable, and weird and why the hell are we still talking about it?  Because it is important.  Because doing it gives your loved ones a place to start if you are suddenly gone.  And once it is done, you never have to think about it again.

I really do believe that I will be alright.  It may be a long haul, but it will be alright.  Having all of this done really is a relief.  And I have learned a lot along the way. About myself, my marriage, my kids and friends.  I know some fancy new legal terminology.  "Springing Power of Attorney" anyone?

So, please, do yourself and me a favour.  Go Get Your Shit Together.  Don't put it off, don't wait for a crisis. Do it and be done.  It won't get any easier for the waiting, but it might get harder.