This past year of doctors and more questions than answers I have learned a couple of things about myself and the passage of time. It whizzes by. It makes me dizzy. Even when I am flat on the couch in the only position that doesn't make me queasy and doesn't aggravate one or more other symptoms. Even when I haven't left the house, or showered or done the dishes. It whizzes by, Zoom!
Tonight as I am packing up the back pack. Rustling through the kitchen to find suitable lunch material. I realized that everyday the boys are moving ever so slightly out of my orbit. Sleepovers, camp, all access transit passes, whoosh, there they go. We didn't take any huge trips this summer; local days of parks and beaches, road trips, Otter Pops and deli sandwiches. Miles of duct tape and bamboo poles became a two story backyard fort. Miles in the car became shared stories and belly laughs. Every day a little further. In the sticky ( sometimes cranky) days of summer they are still mine. Our summertime house is the center of tiny mutinies and great triumphs. And then. BAM! September rolls around. Doodle has a birthday, school starts and I have to give them back to the world. I don't like it. This last week I have dreaded the end of summer. They are growing up and our summers together are numbered. How many more 3? 5? 10? Some day soon summer will be something entirely different. They won't want to spend the day on the beach with Me. Something more pressing than the tides will pull them away.
I am one of those people that loves the smell of new school supplies in the morning. Fall is my favorite season. But his year I am fighting back, I don't want to surrender this summer. Having some challenging health events has given me a sense of how little time we really have. Zoom! There it goes again whizzing by and leaving me bewildered.
Third grade starts tomorrow. And Sophomore year. And I really just want to stop the clock and collect myself. Slow down! Slow down! I am not ready.
4 comments:
It's an ancient, ancient story. The good thing really is that you see it now. Some don't until it's already over.
It's an ancient, ancient story. The good thing, really, is that you can see now what is happening. Some don't figure it out until it's already all over.
Amen, sister.
Melanie H
Ohhh, I am feeling this tremendously this morning. And so is my friend Carmen. Hugs to everyone watching things happen faster than they would like.
http://www.boston.com/2013/08/14/sobeckha/xSi0eLn8mUwASH2OUli4VK/story.html
I was the sun, the kids my planets I was the sun and the kids were my planets - BostonGlobe.com
Janine J you just wanted to make me cry right?
Peggy B (((Carmen))) My 16 year-old spent most of the summer staying at friends' houses, seems I saw very little of him. In one week he will be 17. I can so relate with what you've written.
Carmen M I just wanted company Janine!
Seumas G Too true.
Fiona N Believe me, they'll need you just as much in all the years to come, just in different ways. My parents are still, and will always be, my best friends.
Fiona N You are more than welcome. I may be slightly biased since my folks just did a 10k mile round trip to see me when I was sick. But it's true, they're my rocks!
China M ...sniff...
Jane R But what great and memorable times you've spent with them! And more to come.
Lois T
I'm feeling line the Stones had it all wrong about time being on your side and all ...
Shannon T Beautiful.
Janelle T So very true.
Kerry M So bittersweet!
Nan P Yes indeed!
Rachel E Feeling it, too..
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