That time I wasn't assaulted.

The  #metoo tag on Facebook and other places has gotten into my head a little bit and stirred up all kinds of things that I would rather not think about.  Mostly it has me filing various events into messy piles. Was this one harrassment?  hm...yes? no?  Is there a maybe pile?  What about this, well he actually touched me so yes,   I was scared so yes, I was coerced so yes, locked in yes, said no, yes. Over and over again.  Maybe this one doesn't rise to the level of actual assault.  Well, I was on the beach alone after dark, I had probably been drinking... still yes?  What was I wearing?  I knew he was drunk and had been violent before why didn't I leave?  Yes, that one in the yes pile. These over here are maybes.  Maybe I was too provocative, maybe I was dressed badly, how  many bad decisions did I make ?  Maybe.  What about when I was too young to know better? Really naive.  Yes, those are yesses. On and On.  My grown up, socially concious, feminist self knows better.  Nothing I did, or said, or wore, or didn't wear caused these incidents.  They were not my fault.  But the other parts of me who live in my head still have doubts.  The scariest thing though is the ammount of incidents that I don't even clearly recall because there are so many I just blew them off, every off colour joke, every comment about my bra size, every single time I laughed it off just to get it to end.  I am not even counting all of those times. 

One time that really stands out is the time it didn't happen.  Thanks to intervention of two strangers.  One night in the late 1980's I was walking from a friends house on Bellevue to my own place on the far side of Capitol Hill in Seattle. It was a busy urban neighborhood, generally safe for women alone.  It was really late and warm.  I was walking up the hill past bars full of people and lit storefronts.  Not walking terribly fast, it was a really nice night.  Quite suddenly two men burst out of the dark behind me.  Greeting me like I was a long lost friend, hugs, lots of chipper dialogue.  I was confused but not really scared.  They were clearly a couple and clearly out enjoying the night air too.  One of them leaned in to hug me and said, " That man has been following you for blocks".  I didn't turn to look.  The other man said something about walking with me and they did.  For several more blocks.  Eventually the man turned off in an alley.  I only ever saw his back.   When we hit the taxi stand outside a popular bar the men who walked with me hung out while I got into a cab and they waved me away home.  I don't think I ever even asked their names.  I was pretty shaken that my normal raydar had missed the man following me, that I had been dumb enough to be lulled by the happy bar noise and warm night air.   There is no doubt in my mind that those strangers stopped something terrible from happening to me, I am very thankful that they noticed and acted. 

I'm hanging onto that one tonight.  The helpers, the good people.  They are out there too.