I Feed People.

 I feed people.  It's what I do.  It's how I know to help.  It's almost never refused. Everyone needs to eat.  I have cooked more meals than I can possibly count. Whatever we are eating, it can always be stretched to fit in a few more eaters. It is not unusual to find surprise guests are our table and I like to think that mostly, they don't leave hungry. My Mom and my Granny, and my Grandma Vi fed people too.  There were often strangers, stragglers, kids, whomever at my Granny's table.  I don't know how she did it sometimes, but there was always enough.

Immediately before and for weeks after my surgery people delivered food to us.  All kinds of food.  Homemade soup, cakes, salads, sandwiches, take out, delivery, sushi, meat pies, casseroles, birthday cupcakes, pasta sauces, great piles of roasted vegetables.  All delicious.  It was a strange turnabout to not be the one cooking.  For the first few weeks when I was really unable to cook it was great to know that my family was being fed good food.  As I got better it seemed indulgent and slightly disingenuous to go on receiving food.  I felt like I could have been cooking. ( as it turns out, I was ahead of myself and it was almost four weeks after surgery that I finally got up the courage to cook an egg without direct supervision.)  Our friends, are very generous and they kept us supplied with food for  many weeks.

I have had a few chances since to return the favour and deliver food to people who need a boost.  I know what to do.  Call ahead, deliver on time, make enough to account for guests who might be present, take no dishes that have to be returned, leave reheating and storage instructions, list all ingredients.

There is a lot that I do not remember from the first weeks, but I could tell you in order who brought what food and when.  It's a funny calendar trick.  As people would drop off food I would stick the notes etc to the side of the refrigerator.  They are still there.  On rough days, like tonight when I was struggling through my own fatigue to get dinner on the table, and get the dogs birthday cake/dinner done and plan/prep/cook for tomorrows picnic I can see those notes.  They feel like a tangible link to all those helping hands that were here for so long, cooking, cleaning, laundering, entertaining, and it helps.  It helps  to remember that I am not actually in the kitchen alone.